Monthly Archives: December 2014

A brief history of climate music

Like many other social movements, the climate movement is a people’s movement that has been felt and communicated through music and the arts. The climate music scene was established in 1992 as a grassroots community surrounding the Rio Summit and has since grown significantly. It now features a variety of international artists.

Prominent climate artists include the following:

Adrian and the Macies
This four-piece folk-electronica fusion group rose to prominence in the late 1990s, first gathering fame amongst young Japanese environmentalists in Kyoto before gaining international support amongst audiences in developed countries.  Adrian and the Macies combine the metronomic rhythm of early electronic music with the whimsy of late 60s folk to create a sound that inspires images of flower-wearing passengers on the Trans-Europe Express. The band have have performed well commerically throughout their discography, although music critics continue to be puzzled by the abysmal sales of the band’s second album in countries such as Australia, Canada and New Zealand.

The Durban Platform
This international collaboration of DJs became famous for its 2011 release of a 36 hour uninterrupted live album. The release featured such artists as DJ LDC, the G77 and BRICS and was available for purchase only via digital download.  Similar in some ways to Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music, this live album has reached cult status and has spawned a twice-yearly album release by a follow-up collaboration called Working Group. The original Durban Platform is set to be headlining Parisella 21, a large international music festival to be held in France next year. Industry experts are divided as to whether the Durban Platform will bring a solid performance to their festival set as popular and critical reception of Working Group releases have deteriorated in recent years.

The Secretariats
Known for producing easy-listening pop-rock that appeals across demographics, The Secretariats have enjoyed considerable commerical success over recent years. The group have been characterised by the yearly replacement of the band’s drummer leading to a situation in which each new drummer is determined to lead the group to output an album, often to the detriment of artistic quality. This has resulted in several Secretariats releases that have been poorly received by critics although sales have remained healthy. Recent release ‘Manuel’s Silver Hammer’ has been slammed by international music critics and has resulted in a lawsuit from synth-pop group The Road to Paris, who claim that the group illegally sampled their work so poorly that The Secretariats completely ruined The Road To Paris.

Mechanizm Warszawa
This industrial metal group achieved underground success amongst the environmentalist scene after the release of their 2013 EP Lost and Damaged, a conceptual album about retribution and repayment. The group was subsequently signed by major record label GN Records and their first full-length studio album was released in December this year. Reception has unfortunately been poor with critical consensus being that in the process of establishing a wider fanbase in partnership with GN Records, Mechanizm Warszawa sacrificed their artistic integrity as their recently released album is significantly less powerful and provocative than the original Lost and Damaged. Indeed, industry insider reports are now surfacing that record company executives deemed the lyrical content of original recordings to be too challenging for targeted consumers and ordered that the content be toned down before the album could be released.

The Umbrella Group
This lounge jazz group has been an incredibly powerful player in the music industry for the last few decades and controls a large percentage of album sales worldwide. Targeted towards the upper-middle class consumer, albums can only be purchased on heavyweight vinyl and album cover art typically features the group drinking different varieties of expensive liquor served with cocktail umbrellas. The Umbrella Group receives widespread mainstream critical acclaim, although sources report that this is perhaps because of the group’s personal connections at major media organisations worldwide rather than their musical prowess. The group believes that lounge jazz is the only genre capable of maintaining commercial success for an extended period of time and is known for its musical conservatism. When threatened, the Umbrella Group has been known to attempt to thwart musically adventurous newcomers with their unbridled industry power and jazz instruments.

Climate music newcomers to watch:

Translatorhead
New Kids on the Cop
Toady Stern
Run-ADP
Fossil the People
The National Interest
Nat King Coal

Emergency

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A medical emergency was declared at a large tertiary hospital in Lima yesterday when it was discovered that clinicians had suddenly ceased to provide medical care to the elderly, sick and vulnerable patients housed inside.

Initial investigations reveal that a variety of serious unresolved procedural and ideological medical issues have prevented doctors from delivering medical care. Doctors are currently in urgent negotiations to resolve these issues as patients and their family members anxiously await treatment. Several patients are already experiencing life-threatening medical issues: non-clinical staff are increasingly worried about Mr Sids on Level Two who is suffering from a serious case of fluid overload yet continues to be denied diuretics.

It seems that the Orthopaedic Surgery department, a group of powerful and experienced doctors within the hospital had decided that all doctors in the hospital should be expected to perform surgery regardless of whether or not they had been surgically trained. This resulted in mass discontent amongst the junior medical staff who felt that this was beyond their capacity. The junior doctors advocating for differentiated responsibility amongst clinical staff based on experience have been bullied and intimidated by senior clinicians, creating a dysfunctional workplace environment. Untrained junior staff have been forced to perform complex surgeries, often with disastrous results.

There have also been significant rostering issues amongst the clinical staff initiating from a request from management that doctors submit commitments regarding how many hours they intend to work over the following month. Some doctors were unwilling to do this without first being told about their salary adjustments for the following five years while others were willing to commit to a total number of hours but refused to specify on which days they would work. Doctor absenteeism from work has been high as a result. This has had a significant impact upon patient care.

After an extended debate between one Saudi Arabian senior doctor and other clinical staff, all of the female patients were removed from the hospital. They have been left outside in hospital beds and their condition is expected to deteriorate rapidly.

Newborn babies requiring intensive care have been left in boxes in the neonatal unit as hospital capacity fails to prioritize future generations.

Discussions among doctors about these issues are expected to continue late into the night. Meanwhile, patients continue to suffer.

Public health announcement

The World Health Organisation has recently issued an alarming report about a growing epidemic focused in Lima, Peru where an unconfirmed but growing number of international visitors have been infected with a rare strain of bacteria, Clostridium oedematiens type P.

C. oedematiens type P was first discovered in 2009 in Copenhagen where a significant epidemic resulted in mass morbidity and mortality and caused long-lasting negative health effects across the world. Infectious disease specialists gained some control over the disease in the following years but in Warsaw last year a mass evacuation of 800 people was required to halt the rapid spread of the illness. There was hope in the international medical community that health system strengthening over the last year would prevent an additional outbreak but this has proven to not be the case.

The initial symptoms of C. odematiens type P are lethargy, nausea, vomiting, focal migraines and cardiac pains while in the longer term the illness has been linked to mental health conditions such as major depression, anxiety disorders and even acute psychosis. The only known clinically effective treatments for this illness are consumption of alcohol, cognitive behavioural therapy and group hugs. Radical practitioners of alternative medicine insist that global decarbonisation will halt the spread of the illness but this has not received widespread support amongst the international medical community who at this stage have favoured a homeopathic approach to treatment in which powerful medicines are repeatedly diluted down with large quantities of water until very little of their original substance remains.

There have been repeated calls for the development of an effective antibiotic for C. odematiens type P yet clinical research has been slowed by the inability of the scientific community to come to any meaningful consensus as to how this research is to be funded. Australia recently announced $200 million of funding for vaccine research but in the process withdrew $7 billion of funding for the provision of other vaccinations to developing countries.

Those infected with C. odematiens type P are asked to remain calm and to report to their nearest public health nurse. At this stage the illness is considered to be very infectious and so vigilance is recommended amongst medical professionals here in Lima who are urged to work together to negotiate effective public health strategies to protect the health of citizens both here in Lima and internationally.

How to adjust to the weather

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In the view of the high temperatures expected to continue and intensify in second half of the rest of ever, the President of COP and CMP invites citizens to adjust to the weather by wearing business casual clothing except for situations in which this is not possible due to mass food insecurity, land loss, conflict and death.

Discharge Summary for Mr CA (NHI COP2375)

Hospital
Discharge & Coding Summary
General Medicine
(ECC Standard Template)

Mr Climate Ambition c/o Tim Groser

Environmental House
23 Kate Sheppard Place
Thorndon
Wellington 6011

Admitted:          06/04/2014 16:45

Discharged on: 2014
Discharge method: Cop out

Diagnoses:    

1. Acute on chronic deterioration of climate ambition
2. Secondary infection with self-interest

Past Medical History:
1. Courageous stance on nuclear powered/armed ships
2. A country mobilised to stand up against apartheid
3. Front-runners in womens´ suffrage
4. World leaders in tobacco control

Regular medications:
1. Lactose 20mg od po (compulsory supplement from dairy industry)

Admission details:

Mr A is a 40 year old man who was admitted to hospital after a public collapse. He remembers falling clearly and is able to clearly document his journey towards the ground. On admission his vital signs were stable aside from a seemingly chronic increased temperature. He was investigated and diagnosed with a serious case of deterioration of climate ambition. Further tests revealed a deep-seated infection with gram-positive pathogen Streptococcus selfinterestus. The medical team also suspects he may be afflicted with a dose of ATHB (Acquired Too Hard Box) although laboratory results are pending.  Hospital administrators are currently uncertain as to why Mr A was unable to immunologically fight off these infections given his generally positive past medical history. Public health officials have been notified.

Senior clinicians in charge have advised Mr A that his long-term health and that of his children is certain to suffer if he does not comply with the gold-standard treatment prescribed. He was also advised that his disease is highly contagious and if untreated will cause widespread infection, morbidity and mortality amongst populations both here in NZ and internationally.

Unfortunately Mr A denies that he is unwell and believes he simply´tripped and fell´. Psychiatric input was sought and Mr A was diagnosed under the DSM-IV criteria with a serious case of Head in the Sand. Clinicians are currently attempting to section and detain the patient in a psychiatric facility under the Mental Health Act but court proceedings are proving difficult due to the strong backing of his powerful team of lawyers, the Umbrella Group.

At this point Mr A is being discharged to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) as clinicians feel his case is salvageable if immediate action is taken. We urge Mr A to take his prescribed medications to protect the health of all those around him and that of future generations.

The District Health Board will provide clinical updates on Mr A´s progress in the ICU.

Discharge medications:

1. Mitigation with binding targets 100 mg po STAT then 30 mg TDS indefinitely
2. Willingness to contribute positively to negotiations IMJ 1 x per month
3. Contribution to GCF dermal patches (not to be discontinued even if uncomfortable side effects persist)

Contributing authors: S McKinney

Clinical team: Mass Scientific Consensus via Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) Fifth Assessment Report